Relationship

On June 4, 2014June 4, 2014 By happyreignIn Heather

Ya know how sometimes you listen to wisdom and it benefits you, and then there are other times when you don’t and you end up going down a mutli-year journey of not listening to wisdom only to find out that that truth is still true but now its burned into your heart through experience, and hopefully you won’t be too dense to forget it too quickly anytime soon? This is a story of one of those.

I think sometimes the most vulnerable times in my mind are sometimes when I spend time with the Lord. Looking back I think over the course of some years I grew calloused in my personal interaction with the holy spirit in hopes to avoid some pit of confusion or condemnation, both of course concerning religious thoughts even, for example, theological uncertainty amidst opposing schools of thought in my mind such as, personal doubt based on insecurities in my performance before God, or contrarily my arrogance in entirely ignoring my spiritual performance before God believing only on that of his son not opening up myself for dialogue about it to protect myself from the afore mentioned accusations, along with the lack of spiritual aperture to be able to keep it all afoot in my mind, casting blame towards myself in that if I was really spiritual and tight with God I wouldn’t be having any of these intellectual roundabouts.

Unfortunately the affect of this disclarity and self-accusation was an almost removed protection in my prayer times with the Lord. I came to take great comfort in the work of Christ and the declaration of his goodness over all of humanity because that gave peace to my soul and confidence before God. I know this might sound peculiar and odd to some but it was almost as if I was positioning myself in comfort with a theological viewpoint rather than in God himself.

I took safety in my relating to someone else’s conceptual soundness of God’s nature and that worked for me for a time. But as time passed I could feel unrest in the heart of me and I would think it’s because I’ve forgotten the truth: the truth about who God is, the truth about who I am, and I would once again almost methodically remind myself of these truths to bring comfort. While this is good, for me, it was still lacking. It was as if I had lost relationship with God and positioned myself hiding behind the concept of his goodness for protection, which worked…but didn’t. I was still missing out on the reason I was created. Let me continue.

As time passed I grew in the freedom of these truths I was learning, both in identity and experience but my one on one relational interaction with the Lord had somehow faded. I was no longer surviving on a tough mission field wrestling against principalities–because he called me to rest from that–and afterwards I guess there was recovering time to be had in my relationship with the Lord after what I had made our interaction out to be and the pendulum swung the opposite way. If God wasn’t breaking strongholds and releasing strong prophetic acts in the earth and ministering powerful words through me to people and I needed a break from all that, what was left of he and I? On the other side of that, if I’m at complete rest and nothing depends on me because he’s all sovereign and powerful and in control and I can completely rest in him in retirement what purpose remains left in the exchange? To what purposes have I reduced our intimacy to?

And so with this ominous void of recreational communication in our relationship, the doubt about ‘us’ would come around all the while I knew with certainty my unshakeable position that Christ had obtained for me. It was almost as if I always knew we were legally married but had lost intimacy of our enjoyment of one another as people and the shared experience of this life together, except as silent shipmates or something. Don’t get me wrong, the gratefulness was always there, the wisdom was sometimes there, the comfort was there, but face time was still missing. As I continue to live this life, more and more I’m discovering God relentless and unconditional goodness despite my end of participation in this relationship.

And so in this season in my relationship with him, his abounding goodness continued in full force. It continued to confirm to my mind who he was, but it was almost as if there was a lack of connection of the heart. And in this, life continues. Can anybody relate to this? I know I’ve heard at least one person say to me, ‘I remember what it felt like when I was experiencing the Lord more back then…what happened?’

Another contributing factor to this felt internal distance was pride on my part, even though I could see it was there. Where the directions you keep looking lie to you and make you feel like you well off with God. I already knew I knew nothing, I already comprehend my comparative nothingness in light of everything that it generous and extravagant being God himself. I at least I thought I was well off enough in that line of thought.

Turns out God doesn’t care if I know right answers, even though he taught us them. God doesn’t care if we think we know right answers when we obviously haven’t even barely begun to know anything really. Although God continually relates to me as my teacher, and the disciples never graduated from being disciples, he doesn’t care that about my accumulated experiences with him. He doesn’t care if I’m still being faithful and loving people well and whether I’m using the giftings he’s trained me to use. All of this means nothing to him.

He continues to be good, he continues to be faithful, he continues to show up on my behalf, but there’s so much more that what I’ve made it. There so much less that matters when it comes to his heart than we seemingly radical believing empowered christains have made it out to be.

Relationships are just humility and dependency. Independence–which is a reactionary weakness of mine that finds it way into my relationship with God is a false form of protection and comfort. Thankfully he’s ballsy enough in our relationship to shake that for me. Because our experience has taught us such, so often we try so hard for so long to do things on our own; even when it comes to our relationship with God, our interaction with him, and our expectations of ourselves as well as of him. Sometimes this creates some aspects of a relationship with God that has become sterile, formal, ritualistic, or stale, even in the midst of powerful corporate experiences.

Interacting with God is not about work. Let me say that one more time. Interacting with God is not about work. Relationship is just being yourself with someone. Giving them enough credit to be honest with them without any pretense or predisposed concept of who they really are without giving them a chance to show you or tell you who they are. God is really good at interacting with us as adults even when we’re acting like children.

Humility involves recognition of need. I think its one thing in your mind when you know that you could absolutely do nothing without God and then its another thing when humility is walked out in the way in which you dialogue with the Lord himself. Spending time with him, being vulnerable, listening, communicating need, asking questions, being teachable, discussing the painful stuff and actually listening rather than reacting out of emotion–all these things flow naturally out of humility before God.

After my brief years of doing life with God I think I’ve come to appreciate a hearty dose of perseverance and steadfastness and resolve in protecting connectivity with the Lord regardless of anything; not letting discouragement or accusation or confusion or distraction keep me from coming and being with him. He has always been and will always be for me. Always.

Let’s move fears out of the equation. Your relationship with God is not looming and threatening to end resulting in eternal destruction. He’s not going to reject you. He is good and will continue to be good. There’s no whirlwind of justifications, excuses, memories or enemies. But the wonderful part I’ve discovered about our existence in this journey of mine is that I was created to experience love.

I was not created to know of it, I was not created to experience it at one time, I was not create for a one time event of salvation, I am created with a need to experience the ongoing relationship with a living God that expresses love for me and towards me in an active and ever present way and reality. Nothing less will do in this life. It’s okay to need to be loved. He wants to spend time with me. He wants it. I still have things to be taught, I still have things to learn. But even the purpose of learning is not about obtaining the answer, which is good, its about the experience of exchange. For in the giving, is the receiving of love.

The most vital thing you can give someone your in relationship with is your attention. Withholding it simply not doing relationship. Relationships require time and space for them to happen.

I get to participate in union. I get to choose it. At one point God referred to Psalm 81:9 with me, ” You must never have a foreign God; you must not bow down before a false God.” I asked him to clarify his point to me at the time and he said that’s when you ‘run to someone or somewhere else for comfort other than me.’ He’s so good at being our everything, he wants us to experience nothing disappointingly less than himself.

And so, his mercy’s are new every morning. This was one of my journey’s that took too long to be reminded of but have found solace in his relentless pursuit of reminding me of what he and I are all about. He’s loves loving me and it’s not some concept in order to form a workable theology around. He enjoys relationship with me and his best for me is my daily face to face experience of that with himself. It’s what I’ve been made for, its what I’ve been saved for, and it’s the joy of my waking reality. My only strength is found in him. Peace.

Happy Grazing

On May 8, 2014May 8, 2014 By happyreignIn Heather

I have desire to throw consecutive notes out there for free range spiritual grazing. This first one is real chipper and is about death…or actually its end. 🙂

Romans 5:28 Sin reigned in death. Picture sin sitting on the throne in glum sneakiness. As far as the kingdom of sin touches, so too the reaches of death touch. The sign of this kingdom being at hand is death. Hmmmmmm sounds awesome (dry sarcasm – for those of you who have never met me. I’m not really impressed).

Romans 8:2 The law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the law of sin and death. The wages of sin is death; death entered the world through sin. Christ, the lamb of God is the one who takes away the sin of the world. Sin and its power was crucified on the cross. We are (cheaky pun on Paul’s behalf) DEAD to sin. Therefore we are DEAD to sin’s wages–death…let me continue…

Hebrews 2:14 ….For only as a human being could he [Jesus] die [one king entering into the reign of sin to overthrow its kingdom], and only by dying [entering deaths kingdom] could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Good News flash: the power of death has been broken (-cue celebration and smiling…lots of smiling). This brings up the great and awesome question of ‘What has Jesus already done for us?’ Again…

2 Timothy 1:10 And now he has made all of this plain to us by the appearing of Christ Jesus, our Savior. He broke the power of death and illuminated [showed us] the way to life and immortality through the Good News.

I have some really great friends and I can hear some of their wisdom as I write this, “It’s not really about right or wrong anymore, its about life or death.” Does your choice, your lifestyle, your habits, result in life to you or death. When sin bears fruit it gives life to death. That doesn’t mean its referring to ‘all that stuff that looks bad’ i.e cigarettes, stealing, tattoos, drinking beer, or rather things that don’t appear ‘godly’ to the ‘christian kingdom’ rather than having anything to do with Christ’s kingdom. Selling yourself out in religious circles to gain the desiring gaze of people wanting you or wanting to be you, sexual relations happening within church leadership across lines of wedlock, people controlling other people’s relationship with God and acting as the Holy Spirit, are all things who’s fruit is not life obviously. Does quitting your day job and doing things that you’ve always wanted to do result in life to you? Does helping the person behind you in line in the grocery story result in life for you? Does finishing that college degree through lots of studying result in life for you? The behavior isn’t the qualifier, the heart is.

The earth’s sin, that results in death (Jn 16:9), is unbelief in Christ.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT SIN AND ALL OF ITS INFLUENCES HAVE BEEN FOREVER OVERTHROWN FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY’S FREEDOM.

Galations 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. My husband was sharing what somebody told him the other day, “It’s what we do with the freedom that we’ve been given that matters.”

Romans 8:10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, …

The spirit that overcame death is WHERE?!? Living inside of you right now. All of death has been overcome; all it’s influences, shades, and effects. Death in realtionships–gone. Death in your relationship with yourself inside your head–gone. Death in your outlets for the way you’ve been created to live, your gifts, talents, desires, expression–gone. Death from bad experiences in your past that don’t have ANY power over you anymore–gone. Death in your choices–gone. And here’s where it gets real crazy in a good way. All those family members that you loved that are no longer with you right now, that you can’t hug, can’t talk to, can’t reconcile with?? I tell you the truth, your seperation from them was crucified on the cross and all of us, with our very own eyes will see the reign of death, and all its influences on humanity for all time, be cast into fire. And we will stand with no influences of death remaining standing.

1 Corinthians 15:25 For He must reign until He has put all His enemies under His feet. 26The last enemy that will be abolished is death.

Jesus is life; all life, anywhere, in any form. All of life is contained in Jesus; through him all things live (and move and have their being). His life is reality. This is the tree from which humanity was meant to eat. Any opposing force has been revealed as powerless against it. He swallowed up death for all people.

2 Corinthians 5:14 …One having died for all, His death was their death.

The wages of sin have been eradicated from your life. You will not die, but live, and the fullness of that life is why Christ came, so that you may have life more abundantly. This is where you live. It’s your place of origin, this kingdom of life. It’s the power that resides inside you. You are alive and it is a wonderful thing. You have breath that is a gift right now inside of you that has been passed down through humanity from the one who first breathed life into Adam’s lungs.

There is no place for death, or any grade or shade of it in your thoughts, communication, decisions, hopes, relationships, health, provision, it’s not our family’s culture, it’s just not who we are, it’s not your place of origin, it’s not normal for us. You are an ambassador of life that overcomes every shade of the influence of sin and death. The increase of his government of life and peace is without end. Life wins and your life. Life wins in your heart. Life wins in your home and in your influence on the people around you. The Spirit that lives inside you is the one that has overcome death. Christ in you the hope of glory.

Oh, by the way, you didn’t earn this, it’s a free gift. It’s your effortless state of existence. It’s who you already are, and what you’ve already been given. Do you know who you are? Do you know how powerful you are? Do you know how free to be loved by God you are? You are not a victim in this life, even to death. Christ’s form and life that wins has been revealed through humanity.

More thoughts on other subjects to come shortly…

Brave Dreaming…Brave Living

On March 12, 2014March 13, 2014 By happyreignIn Heather, Joel1 Comment

Joel: We have the privilege of dreaming together with God. Now Religion has told us that we must sacrifice our dreams, to offer them up on the altar, die to them in order to “please” God. When in reality He was the one who placed those dreams inside of us in the first place. This lie of giving up your dreams has left many depressed and not really living their lives to the fullest but merely surviving. We encourage you to dare to dream those dreams again. I see many leaving jobs that they have been working in for many years because they thought they had to and opening up their own businesses and or going to school again to go after those things they have longed for. I see a people who will no longer dread getting up in the morning to go to their boring job but jumping out of bed with joy and a great expectation of what that day will look like.

Heather: After working as a missionary giving “my all” to God, my career choice took an unexpected turn of events. While living in the midst of illiteracy, a culture of addiction, lack of adequately involved parenting, and general violence, while doing a lot of “good work” Papa said, “Quit belittling the gift I’ve given you.” In my hierarchy of perceived self-sacrifice I was “laying down everything” to do what I perceived to be God’s will. Until he had a conversation with me. I was invited by an individual to start painting. It seemed like the world was ending in the midst of my decision on this one point. I was picturing with God and I saw him through the eyes of a scared little daughter. I was tightly holding a box of 64 crayons (well used and appreciated in my childhood–mine even had the sharpener built into the back) and Daddy reached out his hand to following his leading. He was opening a door for me into the front of a building and was leading my hand to follow him and come inside. I said yes.

I’m not sure if I would have had the faith to step out into starting my own business trusting God’s leading if I hadn’t already done that on the mission field for eight years without having “produced” anything. But God made it undeniably clear that he desired my creativity and that somehow was important to him, well beyond my understanding. I was even slightly offended by my lack of understanding on how this was at all practical or effective in any regards to the kingdom of God but I decided he knew what he was doing.

To this day, two and half years later, I paint. I still don’t understand it, I still have never received training (I don’t have any concept of doing things wrong or right), I still don’t know why what I do is special, and I still often wonder how I should be doing things differently but in the meantime, I paint. I don’t paint led by money, I paint led by inspiration; sometimes those to combine nicely, other times, I am left to wonder and trust at the fruit. I find I am often challenged by the Holy Spirit–every project actually–always has something new I’ve never done before involved in it. To be honest, that’s what keeps thing challenging and intriguing and inside when I’m going to approach a project. I have to figure out the execution and that’s the part I enjoy of creation, the newness that I’ve never experienced before. I guess it’s kind of like singing a new song to the Lord. That’s a little of my story as an artist, a child, and a wonderer.