sprituality – happyreign

Sometimes, despite hearing bible verses about fixing our gaze on Jesus or thinking about heavenly things, our minds can still get so wrapped up in doing good and being responsible. We can prioritize our to-do list and things to take care of. Not only that, we see and observe our shortcomings relationally or in character. And then, in God’s mercy, when we stop for a moment, a mere minute. He reminds us of himself. “Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God.” Romans 10:4

So often, my mind fills with the ways I have not achieved, accomplished, or lived out that which God has called me to. I find it feels like, on a daily basis, that I am stagnant and have controlled my environment enough for peace and a measure of predictability, and yet he doesn’t feel near. And so, when I thirst for consolation for life in the spiritual sense again, I am reminded of something that Christ accomplished that I never will be able to achieve of my own effort or stubborn persistence, being made right with God.

Even if I was disciplined in every area of my life, I would bear much fruit and with that, much reward, but I would not earn his affection. I would not achieve reconciliation. Despite this, it is not a reason not to become more disciplined, to learn, to grow, to listen, and to seek. I just have to make my peace that God has already given me the cup of salvation, complete and whole, from the work he accomplished through his suffering. I then remember Jesus in the equation of my own self-evaluation.

My acceptance has already been paid for. Christ’s suffering was not incomplete. God is not looking for me to become my own savior. Striving cannot achieve righteousness; that’s not how Heaven has designed our relationship with Himself. I am still on milk, infant and young. I cannot get over the constant wave of his good news crashing repeatedly on the shore of everything my independence tries to resist, preserve, and build.

And yet, without me asking, without me yielding and surrendering, not letting myself off the hook, he comes to me in kindness. He approaches me with dignity, respect, honor, and truth. He reminds me again and again of what my spirit and brain seem to forget so quickly, like trying to hold sand or water in my hand, that he is good. He is for me. He enjoys me. He likes me. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to enjoy my life. To be whole. To be known and celebrated.
I have value. I have gifts. I am a blessing. I have been adopted into his family. I have a home, and I belong in Him. For some reason, I always feel like I choose to remain standing on the threshold of the entryway. I’ve been invited into the party of heaven. I can see it happening; I know I am welcome, but rather than participate, I linger at the door. I would rather be nowhere else outside this place, but I have not yet allowed myself to stay seated and remain comfortable in his love for me. I cannot tell you why. I’m just hoping that when the door to this party shuts I am on the right side. Just accepting the access I’ve been granted is my minimum standard. That heaven will tolerate my presence because of his sacrifice, but I didn’t do much with that costly gift, and surely the measure I poured back was disappointing.

I remember the Lord asking me one day while I was getting ready in my bathroom. Why do you not think I will celebrate you? When your life is over, and you’re in my presence, why do you not think I will see the good that happened as a result of your life and celebrate all the love that was? I could not give him an answer. Even now, I anticipate and fear his reproach. I know these themes are not true. But perhaps I still feel like I need my own protection to beat him or anyone else to the punch.

I know I am safe with him. He is the safest place for me to exist in. He created me and knows everything about me. Not only the whats but the whys. The whys I can’t seem to figure out. My connection with him is something I know lives, but in confession, I don’t do much to foster its growth. I did, once. I complain more than I want to, and my heart is colder than I would like. I care less than I should, and I remember being more fun. I know the narrative of ‘this is just what getting older is like’ is a lie every time I encounter a 40 or 50-year-old with the twinkle of heaven’s joy in their eye. My perspective is my choice.

I shared this post to remind you of what God reminds me. I have a savior. He is good at his job. His promises to me are still real and still stand. I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior despite my failures and shortcomings. I love him, and I think he has asked me to write. These words may not be as chipper as they were ten years ago, but he is just as worthy, and I am still loved as much as I was then. I am still chosen. God is still hopeful. I am still his. He is still mine. And this is me at this time.

To leave you with his words and not my own, Romans 6:11 says, “And since grace is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.”

Canola field and clouds in Alberta, Canada

We are meant and created to live life in a
limitless field without fences.

With endless grass and freedom of movement. No hindrance, or restriction, with vision as far as the horizon and beyond. Beautiful breezes and freshness. There are things in life that cause us to feel fenced in, restricted, … trapped. Sometimes these hindrances on our freedom have nothing to do with people or structures or circumstances, sometimes it is walls built through our history, our life experience, things we came to believe that yet live within ourselves. These are walls made of the brick and mortar of fear or lies.

Other times there are outside structures or people that perpetuate fences we believe in and operate within as our own. Some religions say you cannot do this, or act this way, or say that thing, or believe that idea. Some work environments project that you should esteem this certain thing or success should look like this for your life. Some relationships say you are worth only this much or you are only this type of person or you should reflect themselves to make them feel comfortable. Some of the above bodies intentionally use fear directly and freely to control your open wanderings.

‘The world is coming to an end’ the media says, ‘ciaos is around the corner, you must give us your attention, your well being depends upon us’. ‘You must never do x,y,z’ some religions say ‘because God hates that’, implying the imminent relational rejection from him, eternally forever, don’t forget the eternal punishment and torment on top. Other organizations say you must be productive, you must appear productive, you must work and manage your life to appear to be working, you must stay busy, keep working, for your value lies in your profit or productivity; rest always equals laziness.

Life Outside the Fence

BUT all of the above are just examples and ways ideas, worldviews, and thoughts cause fences to spring up in our field of freedom, the plot of freedom purchased for us through Christ’s blood. It was actually for freedom’s sake you have been set free. Because you were meant to move like him. What hinders God? What restricts his movement? The great part about each and every barrier in your life is that you are actually not bound by it at all. You cannot lose Christ by crossing that boundary therefore you will lose nothing if you step outside of society’s or culture’s fences. Let me be clear in saying I am not advocating self-destructive or other destructive behavior, not at all, just actions or choices that others say are not available to you, but in reality they are entirely options for you to posses.

Don’t listen to your upbringing or where you came from or the culture you came from or the economic class to dictate what is possible for you. Anything really is possible for your life. Freedom costs you nothing but requires only the passive ignoring of every voice that tells you no, it is not possible, not for you, not with the time you have and the choices you’ve made. You are free my friend and your freedom has been bought with a price. You can love extravagantly, change extravagantly, think differently, speak up, be different from everything the media tells you is normal, you can be yourself, remain unseen if you wish, experiencing the fullest expression of Christ alive in you.

Watching People Climb Over

I remember hearing a beautiful story of freedom I will share with you as an example here. There was a man who worked for a boss who often used anger and fury to invoke fear and submission into his employees. After experiencing freedom during travel, this employee was finally going to stand up to his boss and quit even though he didn’t know where he would work. He went into the office and as soon as he let out the words the boss proceeded into a rage when out of the belly of this employee sprung such a laughter and joy he could not contain it. Soon after this now former employee got a grant form the government to take care of his vast inheritance of land and maintain and develop it and now he spends his days raising his children and with his wife in the literal open planes of his own land without the fences of control constricting his heart.

Let me give you another example. A young man heard a call from God on his life for a certain profession. Fast forward a decade of following that call. His heart was burnt out, he didn’t have joy, and was literally sick to his stomach in his final days of preparation for this career field with zero desire to practice it and dread at the thought of it. With encouragement, he quit. He breathed again and remembered the joy of being alive. He will return one day in some form but he is not a slave to something he heard from God ten years ago without any grace or life on it now, struggling and striving to work it out in our own timing and ways. Knock the suffocating fence down and get out of there.

If you feel an area of your life you are tied to a chain. You can recognize the feeling that is void of giving you life, turn and break that chain, start a new way, remember freedom. I am not talking about break your word or covenants that carry with them responsibility, I merely am saying you don’t have to tolerate those irritations because society says you have to, because other people put up with it. Live and live your life. Live free and follow your heart. Don’t just look through your fence at other people’s freedom. Step over your fences and live your own. Your fears are lying to you to keep you from following your dreams. Don’t listen to them and do what has persevered staying alive inside you all these years.

One more story. This powerful woman ran free within an organization that sent her in the nations. This organization came to make the decision of letting her go. She could have seen it as person rejection, disqualification, or failure. Or there was divine orchestration for her personal promotion into a level of freedom she had never fathomed or experienced yet in her ministry. She climbed over that fence into a place that looks so scary, new beginnings. She began her own organization and now calls the shots, leads the creative flow, and decides when and where and how long she goes with no strings or expectations attached. She is free to be the beautiful gift of herself.

These are just examples I am referring to. If you don’t know what this looks like in your life, it is probably the thing that makes you most excited inside, whether or not you have ever shared it with anyone. The thing that enthralls your heart and mind and imagination. That excitement inside of you exists for a reason and is not shared with everyone, it is unique to you in your own specific way. Follow that. It will give you life. I am just telling you that you really have the freedom to follow, the freedom to fail, the freedom to live.

Okay one more example. Sometimes in people’s relationship with the holy spirit we can experience this tight rope of obedience or bust that causes anxiety. Let me explain. You feel or hear something you think it specifically is referring to this one thing and this one time and if you don’t do it you are deserving of punishment and chastisement. Granted if the Holy Spirit is inviting you to do something its probably in your best interest to take his advice but what is not from him is the confusion or anxiety that call follow this decision making process.

Sometimes if things don’t go well we think we missed it or got it wrong or failed but what if you heard right and there’s lessons to be learned in process? What if your getting it right and his getting it right don’t look anything alike? I just want to tell you God did not create humanity because he needs slaves. He created you as his child, his growing developing, likeness of himself. That includes your relationship with him as well. Step outside of your own fences with Him. You can be powerful, free, and full of joy because his love has cast out all fear between the two of you in your relationship with him.

I could probably go on about freedom forever. Literally forever, but I am going to stop here and move on. My freedom and your freedom are what excites me.