My expereince with Divorce

marriageI just wanted to share an encouraging story about divorce; not that divorce is encouraging but what can happen with anything in God’s hands.

My childhood, from my perspective, was a rough one.  Not that I didn’t have an abundance of things, opportunities, and food, but that I had a first row seat in watching my parents fall out of love with one another.  And if anyone’s ever experienced this you know sometimes, well rarely is it a smooth road.  Unfortunately this was my first exposure to what it means to be part of a family.  I think my siblings and I grew in our abilities to stay out of the way, or at least we were trying to.

This did not continue forever and after attempted investments by both parties, they decided to take different paths.  Both, I am assuming grew through this relationship of their lives in more than just becoming unhappy, they learned more about themselves, learned what doesn’t work in marriage, and also became parents.  I learned later that during these hard relational times of my childhood, God was carrying us through it all, even though my memories didn’t recognize him in the same way until late.

My siblings and I, now older and equipped with very thick skins in life, began to see very different people through their new separate grieving processes during our teenage years.  I met a father I had–in a relational way–never felt like I had met before and a mother who spent a lot of time in her room.  This was a season of life and even here, when seeds are not visible above the ground, God was growing new things in the soil below the ground.  Even the winter, after things appear to die, serves a purpose.

After this season would come me watching both of my parents dare to give their hearts to another and fall in love again.  Granted it was through the eyes of an angry, resentful teenager that I watched, but that season too for me passed and I grew up and I began to witness healthy communication, support, enjoyment, laughter, safety, forgiveness, and I began to have two marriages, two places I called my family.

God weaved newness in spouses for each of my parents that I had known my whole life, people whom I already trusted and already knew me too.  I think that for my experience, growing up in a household of divorce-I don’t know if the two are related-but I think there was some reconciliation that needed to happen with myself.  Like the kids go through a divorce with themselves inside when they live in an environment of rejection that bears fruit in divorce.  Like they need permission to fall in love with themselves again, if that makes sense.  Maybe it was just me.

I remember the sprouts of new life after the separation, feeling new real expressed affection first time, the asking of forgiveness by a parent the first time, the ending of yelling in communication the first time, peace, love, and enjoyment springing up from the ground of what I had known as family that had died.

I am writing this piece not to grieve but to celebrate.  I am celebrating the stories God has written in the life of my parents.  Each are people that I now know and am proud to call my parents.  They both are experiencing love and growing in love on a daily basis.  I am a witness not to one healthy marriage, but two.  And now my own.

Joel and I, the day–without trying or planning–the day we ended up signing our official marriage license, which wasn’t the beautiful day we got married on Malta, which was our real wedding, in my eyes, our word before God is more real than our pen before a government, but that day happened to land on the anniversary of my parents.  I wouldn’t have even known it was that day, but they did.

And God in his goodness, overcame every heartache, every hurt, every pain, and every rejection in the life he has been showing me and calling me into and redeemed all those moments in the overcoming of my marrying Joel.  I said yes to everything that I trusted that God said was good about this idea of his called marriage and I trusted him to be faithful to his word of inviting me into it.  God has redeemed this sad story of my childhood experience of family by restoring my own, and I am writing today, in tears now, to share about his goodness, his faithfulness, and his redemption–even in the face of divorce.  He has made all things new.

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Did I do that?!

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Had a dream the other day that I was driving one of these at crazy speeds. When I woke up I heard “Steve Urkel’s” voice in my head saying,”Did I do that?!” It reminded me of another dream I had where I saw myself living in this evil empire. For some reason the evil ruler liked me and I had favor in his eyes. He made me second in command (like Joseph in the Bible story). I was housed in the highest tower overlooking the city. The Rulers palace was next to my tower and I could look down and see it. One night I was overlooking the Empire and I accidently bumped into a huge water container that was up in my tower and It fell over and crashed into the palace and triggered a revolt among the people. I felt almost bad because I hadn’t  even planned it. The revolution happened by accident. My good friend Dave Vaughn in a conversation I had with him one time said to me that, “We had seen more by accident than many ministries had seen on purpose.” Lol. I really feel that God has placed many in strategic places and that He will use many without them even knowing it to spark revolutions and to overthrow evil establishments. Trust that He is the one guiding your steps even though you may find yourself in a place or a situation you never thought you would be in. Love you all. Love Has Won.

Remembering Our First Year

All God’s Done for Us in a Year

 

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My first anniversary ever is coming up next week and I wanted to take the time to remember what God’s done for me in a year.  Our Anniversary is April 15th.  Just a little over one year ago I was living on the island of Malta and Joel was headed my direction after us not seeing each other for a month and half, after we had known each other for just one month prior to that.  I was getting married in a week from now.  Joel had brought wedding clothes and a ring and I had bought my dress online in one day for a hundred dollars, his ring that same day, and two $5 veils online from the U.S. depending on the color matching and length.  I think it was this week that I picked up a pair of shoes for my dress for nine Euros in the Tuesday market outside our front door.
 
On a moment’s notice, wonderful people on the island helped make Joel and I’s wedding a reality.  That day we went to high cliffs overlooking the Mediterranean in front of a chapel older than the U.S. and said our extemporaneous vows, shared communion, and were wed.   The wind can be harsh on the cliff and although it was prior to the ceremony, afterwards it was light and playful and a Tasmanian man I had asked to play a song he had written at our wedding, took our camera and also happened to be a wonderful photographer, capturing our once in a lifetime moments.
 
Within the first month of our marriage, I participated in an art gathering in Morocco and Joel participated in a ministry event in England.  After that first month, my mother and sister joined Joel and I on the island and met my husband for the first time in person, ever.  They stayed a month and got to behold the breathtaking beauty of Malta and the surrounding waters.  Soon after they left, a couple on the island gifted Joel and I their waterfront apartment while they were away traveling for our remaining forty days on the island before a visa ending initiated our departure.
 
 
During the time in that apartment was when a door opened to our next adventure: the Middle East.  Flying through Turkey we arrived in Amman, Jordan, which would be our home in a desert land for the next three months.  We were extended an invitation by a wonderful German young woman that had come to the Middle East from Mexico, where she had been serving a church the year prior.  We stayed in the guest home of a church and got introduced to the Arab world, sharing our living space with young adults, and refugees, ministers, and all sorts of local people.
 
After getting to share life and visiting refugee communities and other churches, we made our departure at the end of November through the neighboring country of Israel.  Staying in a hostel in the old city, I got to revisit some favorites in the area with Joel beholding the sites for the first time, which after living on an island with thousand year old fortresses and then living in the Arab world, no longer seemed that spectacular to him.  But what was spectacular was meeting a new friend, who had already encouraged us along our way in taking risks.
 
Thanksgiving morning, we connected with a man named Andrew White from England who has been working in the Middle East for close to twenty years.  He invited us to come join him as he was moving some of his base out of Iraq and into Jordan.  We said yes.  And then we were off to England and Wales again for the transition back into the western world.  Fortunately our first host was Egyptian, understanding some of the cultural dynamics we were coming out of.  Then off to Wales for wonderful times with friends and then back to South Carolina.
 
 
We were just in South Carolina for about a week, where we connected with family, and new and old friends, before heading to Florida for a few days to connect with more family and friends.  Puerto Rico was wonderful in beauty and weather and surroundings.  I walked down Joel’s memory lanes and connected with his friends that now have become mine.  I experienced the holidays on this beautiful island place that truly has its own culture and with the wonderful people there.
 
After three weeks into the New Year we came back to South Carolina where Joel and I would depart across country, from coast to coast in a vehicle gifted to us by Joel’s amazing parents.  We drove into the wintry tundra of Ohio and remained with friends there for a time before departing again across the southern half of the United States in a snowy weather pattern that did not lift until we arrived at the sunny coast of southern California.
 
After staying with friends, attending fun ministry gatherings, and traveling up the coast we arrived to our final destination for our first year: Redding, California, where I have since finished the first-draft of my rewrite of my novel.
 
 
In the midst of all of this movement were spontaneous paintings, costly lessons, character growth, seeing the miraculous, lots of affection, new horizons coming into view, new lifelong friends being made and old friends being appreciated.  I forgot who I was and then remembered again.  I’ve experienced and enjoyed the process of sharing my life with someone who made it all too easy to do.  I’ve had to tolerate being celebrated and affirmed every day by my husband (note the sarcasm), who is tangible ministry of the holy spirit to my heart and mind.
 
Joel and I’s first year spanned seven countries, staying in thirty different homes, multiple hotels, visiting something like twenty different churches and connecting with so many amazing people.  The most fun for me, in addition, to experiencing life with my husband Joel is being around those courageous people who are redefining reality and breaking down boxes they’ve found their identity too confining to remain in; whether it’s church structures, business ideas, educational positions, or just people remaining faithful to be their authentic selves despite demands the world sometimes tries to put on them that would damper their passion or creativity or dreams.
 
I’ve felt so privileged to watch people turn great corners in their lives that require faith and risk great failure; where if God doesn’t show up, this is not going to be good.  But I’ve found when, it’s him that has placed that desire in people’s hearts, he always shows up.  He’s waiting to reveal himself through the areas in people’s lives where they’ve risked trusting him.
 
Another thing I’ve loved is kitchen table church.  Some of our most profound and encouraging conversations that feel like they are altering reality just because you’re having them—whether it’s that person’s life or country or culture—have happened over meals shared at a dining table.  Whether in a restaurant, bar, pub, café, airport, kiddie table, or card table, you name it, I have felt the joy of life being exchanged there and have loved it.
 
 
God promised me years ago, that he would always take care of me and he always has, no matter where he’s invited me to go.  This is also a thank you.   Thank you to those wonderful people who shared their food, their homes, their guest beds or couches, but most of all shared their hearts with us.  You are celebrated in the completion of our first year too.
 

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Love Is Our Greatest Weapon

happyreign  “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” – Mother Teresa 

In the picture above with my beautiful wife is this amazing little girl. This precious treasure and her family are Syrian Refugees who fled to Jordan escaping the war. At such a young age she has seen family relatives murdered right before her eyes.  It has been almost two years since they left the war torn country of Syria but she still has nightmares almost every night. She cuts herself and has tried to take her own life more times than her parents can count. My wife and I accompanied by some people who minister to the Syrian Refugee Community were asked to visit her and her family. As we walked towards their home a strong smell of smoke chocked us as we got closer to their door. Her parents tell us that she had just set something on fire. The small room where we sat was still filled with smoke. Everyone was coughing. It was almost unbearable. We came with bags of groceries, a guitar and with hearts over flooding with Love. One person on the team wanted to sing a song for her and she did. This beautiful girl sat right in front of her with her eyes beaming like flying saucers. My wife proceeded to hug her and play with her. I snapped this picture of what we were told was a rare sight. She was laughing! My heart was overwhelmed by God’s love for her and her family. This is just one story of millions who have been suffering from war. Have we forgotten that we belong to each other??? The mentality of “Us” vs. “Them” does not come from the Kingdom of Heaven.  Whether we realize it or not we are ALL one! We all come from the same place. We are all His! I have found that the greatest opposition to hate is Love. Love is our greatest weapon. I encourage all who read this to love recklessly and extravagantly!